Friday, December 1, 2017

Ten Helpful Tips for Surviving Facebook Music Fan Groups.


As a music fan, Facebook can be a wonderful place.  It’s a boundless source of new music and information as well as a fabulous place to connect with fellow fans through Facebook fan groups.  But, there’s also a seedy underbelly.  One where trolls look to ruin your happy space and fellow fans are assholes.  But there’s no need to let that ruin your good time.  As a long time lurker in many Facebook Fan Groups, I offer to you  my ten helpful tips to surviving as a music fan on Facebook.

1.      PROCEED WITH CAUTION – You new in town?  Just joined a Facebook fan group?  Take a minute and look around.  Scroll through a good month’s worth of posts and check out the general vibe.  What looks like a fan group may actually just be a troll group.  So, before you go wearing your heart on your sleeve, make sure you’re not setting yourself up for heartbreak. No one wants to be a victim.  If you’re in the wrong part of town, call an Uber and GET OUT!

2.       SEARCH BEFORE POSTING – You finally found the right group.  A sea of fans just like you. You’re eager.  You have the world’s most brilliant idea.  An amazing topics of conversation.  A question that NO ONE has ever asked before, right?  Wrong.  Chances are, the question’s probably been asked before.  And if it’s one of those questions that gets asked every few weeks, more than likely, you’re going to catch slack for it.  So before asking that one of a kind question in a Facebook Fan Group, use the handy-dandy search feature.  Type key words like ICE CREAM FLAVOR into the group search feature to find out if the question “If you could make an ice cream for XXX band, what would it be called?” has already been asked.  Does it hurt to ask it again?  No, not really.  But, if you do ask a question that has been asked a billzion times before you, don’t be surprised if you get some heat.  And we all know heat and ice cream = melted mess.

3.       KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE – If you’re a new fan of a band or artist, understand that there are those that came before you. Be respectful.  Be calm.  Sometimes, new fans are excited. But that excitement can come across like that of a new puppy. Sure, it’s cute, at first.  But that old dog on the porch is only going to take so much of that new puppy smell before they start to nip.  And if that cranky old pooch starts to growl in your direction, simply do what any smart pup figures out quickly.  Back away slowly and let sleeping dogs lie.

4.       OPINIONS ARE NOT FACTS – We’ve all heard that old adage “opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.” And the internet is full of assholes… I mean opinions.  That’s the beauty of music.  Some things aren’t for everyone.  If everyone liked the same thing or thought the same way, we’d all be robots.  And robots have no soul. If you wish to have your opinion respected, then respect the opinion of others.  We don’t all have to agree.  That’s what makes intelligent conversation fun.  Avoid incendiary words like “faggot”, “cunt” or other offensive nominatives that I probably shouldn’t list.  If something makes you mad, utilize the angry face emoji under the like feature. There’s no need to call someone a “twatbucket” because they thought a set list was boring.

5.       DO NOT SEEK VALIDATION ON FACEBOOK– This really goes hand in hand with #4.  Facebook is a poor place to seek validation.  It’s also a bad place to seek free therapy.  If you post an opinion in a Facebook music group, chances are, someone is going to disagree with you.  If they do, don’t let it ruin your day.  Engage with those like-minded people that make you feel all warm and fuzzy and SIMPLY IGNORE the ones that don’t share your point of view. If you’re a sensitive creature, this is sound advice.

6.       THINK BEFORE YOU POST – Sometimes, I type out entire paragraphs of text, on ridiculous tirades, because someone on the internet has either hurt my feelings (I’m a truly delicate peanut) or because some idiot has made me angry (I’m a Gemini, I can go either way.) BUT, before I hit POST, I usually walk away from my computer or phone and take a second.  And then I think to myself, would I want someone to say this to my mother?  And if the answer is “no”, then I hit delete. Perhaps, you don’t like your mom, and that’s a bad example.  Regardless, take a few minutes to calm down and think if what your responding to even really dignifies a response.

7.       CO-EXISTING WITH TROLLS – If it looks like a troll or acts like a troll, it’s probably a troll.  Shocker, right?  Internet trolls feed off naïve, unsuspecting music fans.  They look just real music fans, but they hide a dark sinister secret – THEY’RE ASSHOLES.  While you’re curled up in the fetal position in the corner of your bedroom because some douche made fun of you, they’ve moved onto the next victim.  They are heartless, plastic creatures with big noses and frizzy hair.  Who knew that dolls could use the internet, am I right? But behind those nasty fingers spreading hate through the QWERTY, they’re really just insecure bullies who don’t get enough love.  And letting any troll on the internet ruin your day or the music you love, if by far the silliest thing you could ever do.

Now, I don’t suggest this next tactic, unless you are relatively witty and have a good sense of humor.  But, in my experience, sometimes, you can troll the troll with wonderful results. So, if a troll calls you dumb, act dumb. If a troll calls you ugly, take the world’s most hideous selfie and share it with them.  When a troll realizes you aren’t going to feed their need for drama or melt, they get bored and move on.  It’s also a great way to keep them engaged so they can’t find other innocent victims. So, in some ways, you're doing your part to help make the world wide web a better place.

And for the love of all things Mihali, I mean holy, if someone comes into  fan group and starts trolling with an obvious troll like “This band is stupid”, don’t respond with someone like “This is a fan group, why are you even here?”  That answer should be obvious.  They are here to troll you! DON’T FEED THE TROLLS!

8.       I’M FRIENDS WITH THE BAND- Maybe you’ve known the band since they were playing shows in the sandbox back in elementary school.  Perhaps, you’ve never met them at all, but the drummer accepted your friend request. Maybe the band even liked one of your post that you tagged them in.  Part of a band building their empire is about building relationships.  Regardless of the length of time you’ve known a musician, your opinion doesn’t hold more or less value than anyone else.  In fact, if you truly are their “friend”, keep personal drama off the internet.  You wouldn’t want someone airing your dirty laundry on the internet, would you?  I know I wouldn’t.  Especially my underwear.

9.       TURN OFF YOUR DEVICE – Music is a great muse, one of the best.  Let the music inspire you.  Things getting to heated online?  Paint a picture, go for a run, make fan-art, write a pretentious blog about being a music fan on the internet and then post it online. Whatever it is, find your zen.  And when stupid stuff happens on Facebook, remember these ancient words of wisdom “IT’S FACEBOOK!!!”

10.   DON’T LET STUPIDITY RUIN YOUR GOOD TIME – A long, long time ago, circa 2015, I knew this girl.  And she and her then fiancé made a piece of fan art that consisted of incorrect lyrics.  Oh, the horror. And when the internet lost their minds, her heart was broken. It was an honest mistake.  Even the fan run website had the lyrics incorrect. But some of those people were so mean, she swore off the band’s music and the entire fan base.  Which was unfortunate because she had just gotten a tattoo inspired by some of the band’s lyrics (thankfully, these were correct.) And as she sat in her tiny apartment sobbing tears of heartbreak, she got a phone call from a fellow frend… I mean friend… and they reminder her that the music was the most important thing and giving up something that gave her so much joy and happiness because a few people were jackwagons was pretty silly.  And for that I… I mean, she is eternally grateful.

So, there you have it folks, some friendly assistance on being a music fan on Facebook.  I hope you enjoyed this little piece of useless advice.  If you liked it, feel free to share it with the world.  Or maybe you think its complete garbage and that I’m a trite, opinionated know-it-all.  Honestly, the latter is probably true.  But hey, I haven’t written a decent blog in a hot minute.  And just like opinions, or assholes, they can’t all be winner.






1 comment:

  1. For the love of all things Mahali
    Ha ha.
    This is awesome writing, Kat.

    ReplyDelete