Dear "Those Guys"

To “those guys” at the Dark Star Orchestra show, 

Let me first congratulate you on making complete idiots of yourselves.  You thought you were being cool, making fun of the dancing kid in the tie-dye.  He was having the time of his life.  He was feeling the music. You found his dancing to be comical so you mocked him and laughed amongst yourselves. He was there because he gets it.  I wish I could say the same for you.  

Maybe you showed up because your friends dragged you there.  Or maybe it was a cheap $5 show and you wanted a excuse to drink beer and smoke some weed.  But your actions spoke louder than your exchanged words of belittling and mockery.  You weren’t there for the music.  At least not the music the way Jerry intended. 

For those of you who don’t know, the Dark Star Orchestra is considered one of the premiere Grateful Dead Tribute bands. Sometimes, the play a specific Dead show in its entirety.  Sometimes, they play their own set list.  Thursday night, they played an an outdoor venue in Rochester.  We traveled from Buffalo to catch the set.  Sure there were plenty of people there with no idea of the band’s concept.  They were just there for a show.  They were there to be entertained. It was something to do on a Thursday night.   But the crowd was much deeper than just that. The crowd was of course  filled with Deadheads, both young and seasoned fans,   rejoicing in the legacy. Also in the mix, Phish fans talked about their favorite moments from this summer’s tour. Old friends introduced their old friends to new friends.  Pinheads stopped to look at each other's hats and talk about their beloved fan art. Girls hooped and tricked.  You were unknowingly surrounded by  a community of people that gather around their love of this music. For some people, its was more than just something to do that night.  

For the majority of the night, I witnessed nothing but the love that is our community,  To be clear, when I say “community”, I’m referring to the people that are there for more than the music.  It’s a way of life; a message; a love and sincerity that is hugs and smiles and laughter and safety.  Its generally a community where you can wear what you want and dance how you please.  It’s generally a community where individuality is embraced, music is cherished and people look out for each other. 

I say generally, because last night your group tried to bombard our safe, accepting world. A young man simply enjoying the beauty of the music and the fulfillment of his soul became your target.  You copied his dancing.  You stared and pointed and laughed.  So when I saw your ill behavior, I began to dance with him, as did my friends.  After  a few minutes I stopped and asked if you were going to make fun of me too.  Your mouths dropped a little.  Didn’t see that question coming did you? But what I should have asked you was  deeper.  After you had left, I realized I should have asked you  one simple question. Do you feel better about yourselves now?  

Seriously? Did it make you feel better?  Did it make your insecurities vanish for a few seconds before you  once again realized that you don’t love yourselves. Did it make you feel like real men?  Maybe it isn’t your fault.  Maybe you were raised to think that this how people behave.  That it is okay to mock and demoralize people and things that you don’t understand. 

The best part of it is that the young man you mocked left that show more confident that he’s surrounded by the right people for his world. He is confident in who he is and what life and love means to him.  He is part of a word that accepts him.  That’s why he’s was at that show.   Because when people he didn’t even know (me and my friends) saw  your glares and sneers, we joined him and became part of his joyful dance party. We danced along side him because he is our brother.  We wanted to make sure that you saw he wasn’t alone.  Because when you mocked him, you were mocking all of us.  

What’s even more sad is that while your group of “bros” to my left acted like children, a separate group of your kindred spirits were doing the same thing to my right. Eventually, when their behavior started to cross a line of decency, one of the guys in our group called them out on your childish and spiteful behavior. He leaned in and said “I hear making fun of people at a concert for dancing is about the lamest thing you can do.”  Both set of guys disappeared moments later.   I hope for your sake, you left and truly thought about what you did!   I hope that maybe you walked away with a tinge of guilt that makes you question why you would treat someone so disrespectfully in front of other people. 

Despite your poor manner  and as odd as it may sound, I’d actually like to say  “Thank You” to those selfish and mean boys. You unknowingly made our community stronger.  We made a new friend.  You made sure that young man feels more confident that he is surrounded by people that will join in his celebration. And you made me realize that I have surrounded myself with some of the most loving, considerate, and kind people that I have ever met.  

That young man will continue to dance not to spite you but because of you. More than likely you will never learn how wonderful it feels to dance that freely.  You’re not hurting that young man.  Your only hurting yourself.  I hope that one day, you too will get it.  Maybe, if you are lucky enough, you will find yourself overwhelmed by that feeling to just dance; possessed by the desire to move and twirl and spin as the music dictates your movements.  I truly hope it finds you. 

But until then, do me and my family a favor.  Keep your negative vibes to yourself.  If you are going to come see a band that is playing tribute to the men that our the foundation of one of the greatest and kindness  communities that music has ever created, show  a little respect. Your comedy isn’t funny. You are outnumbered.  You are truly the ones that should be mocked and made fun of, but that isn’t our style. We’d rather dance and enjoy the music because that’s why we are there. 

My advice to those boys. The next time you’re at a concert and you see some guy  dancing like someone dropped a few ant farms down his patchwork shorts, do yourself a favor and instead of mocking him why don’t you try joining him. Close your eyes and feel the power of the music as it connect to your body, spirit and soul.  Let the ugly out.  Make a new friend. Feel the liberty that comes with loving yourself because your in a place where its okay to be yourself.  It’s a pretty amazing thing.  

Much Love, 

Me

.