Why I Twiddle?

I’ve waited on writing this blog for over two weeks.  I simply didn’t know what I wanted to say. I contemplated writing another review of the band after their April 1^st show at Buffalo Iron Works with Kung Fu, but everything I typed seemed so disconnected.  There was something more I wanted to say, but I just needed the time to find it.

There is a simple hard line when it comes to Twiddle.  You either get it or you don’t.  It’s a musical double edge sword that exist for all sorts of bands, but there is something about several bands in this decades old jam scene that creates a powerful division between fans and non-fans.  No one post can create more stir in a Phish group than something about Twiddle. Just like there is nothing better to get an old deadhead in a fury than talking about how great Phish is.  And any of these conversations can get heated is a quick second because everyone is looking for validation that they’ve got it right.  There is something deeper, beyond the music, for many Twiddle fans that fuel that passion.  It’s more than just music.  It’s more than just a band.  It’s a thought process. 

I grew up in a fairly tolerant family.  I attended church growing up but I wasn’t forced to adhere to any strict dogmatic principles in order to grow up with a sense of consciousness. My mother believed that two simple questions could steer you on the right path.  Is the decision you’re about to make going to hurt you or someone else? If the answer was yes, than was it worth the risk to make that decision?  I grew up with a tender heart – constantly worried about what others thought of me.  I was harder on myself than any teacher, parent, coach or adult could ever be.  I was my own worst source of guilt. As a teenager and young adult, I searched for spiritual enlightenment.  Every idea I heard sounded good in theory, but nothing spoke to my heart.  I knew how I wanted to feel inside, but nothing I tried felt quite right. 

I know what you’re thinking, “What does this have to do with Twiddle?” Good question.  And I’ll answer that, trust me. 

In college and the early part of my adult life, I dabbled in all manner of spiritual thought.  Wicca – check.  Judaism – check. New thought – check.  Atheism – check. Science – check. I read. I researched. I studied. No connection.  Just a blank feeling of suspension. What did other people find that I couldn’t?  I eventually stopped searching convinced having a spiritual center was just not something I wasn’t meant to have.  It just didn’t seem that anyone thought about life the same way I did.  I followed my heart too much.  I loved to openly.  I expected the best of people too often.  I dreamt too big. So most of the time, I rolled solo.  And then three words changed my perspective: “Relax and Dream”

When you strip away the fun of Twiddle (which makes them equally endearing), there is a sincere thought process of hope, love, bright energy and acceptance that as a human searching for your tribe, you can hold on to.  When you get past the amazing synergy of an “Apples”, or “Mamune” or “Doinkinbonk” there is an empathic focus on society, healing and love that as a fan you either find or you don’t. 

It sounds silly to say, but there is a message for me in Twiddle’s music that is bigger than just me.  In that regard, I find the lyrical content of the bands message based songs to be so dialed in to my views, that through their music, I  have found what it means to be me.  In a nutshell, it goes like this:

• Finding inner peace, starts within. You are in charge of the way you perceive yourself.
•  Horrible things happen.  The test is not how hard you fall, but how you beautifully your rise.
• There is an energy that exist that if you allow yourself to love without hesitation, your life will be filled with warmth.
• Dreaming is the foundation of success. You have to envision it in order to do it.
• Music can heal you if you allow it to.
• Love the earth.

Fundamentally, I get that some people will read this and question what’s in my Kool-aide? And as far as I am concerned, I don’t care if they do.  Because those six statements beautifully summarize what it means to me to be a person. I am not theorizing that Twiddle holds some larger than life messianic dispatch from beyond.  Or maybe I am.  Is there something so wrong with admitting that someone else has the capacity to be so dialed in to that connective energy that they have the ability to share it with others?  Is there something so erroneous about admitting that in this day and age that someone has the gift to put in to words (and then set it to music) beautiful and prophetic mantras that make getting through this thing we call life a little easier? And is there something so mental about admitting that a group of musicians have philosophies that remind me to be better person or that as a human I am willing to accept those philosophies to be better person.  To me, this is the beauty of Twiddle. 

When someone else tells me they don’t “get it”, I simply smile.  Because if everyone got from Twiddle what I do, it wouldn’t be special. Hugging a total stranger while belting out the words to “Syncopated Healing” isn’t for everyone. Music just isn’t that important to everybody.   Looking over and seeing someone tear up during “When it Rains it Pours” and knowing that just like you, they have used that song to get through the worst of it…there is no explaining that experience. To have spent your whole life being told to quite daydreaming and snap back to reality to finally hear someone tell you it’s okay to just “relax and dream”, that is well worth the price of admission.  Want to know why Twiddle fans funded their Kickstarter in less than 24 hours?   Want to know why the band continues to build its fan base? Because in Twiddle, beyond the music, there is an underlying sincerity and beauty that makes it okay to just be yourself with no apologizes.  And there is no amount of money or success that can qualify finally finding that thing that makes you feel at home and whole.

It has been said that you find the message the most when you need it.  And in my life that couldn’t have been truer. I will always be thankful for it even as the band finds more success and more fans hop on the train. Who knows? Maybe in twenty years, I’ll be at MSG whining about the price of tickets or reminiscing about the good ole days when you could chat with Dempsey before a show or telling people about that one time on Facebook when Mihali commented on my post in ITwiddle. But for now, I am just grateful.  Don’t let the fear of what others think hold you back from finding that place.  Don’t let the fear of someone else’s success scare you into believing that what you hold most sacred won’t always be there.  Once you find it, it’s up to you to keep it in your heart.  After all, isn’t that why we all Twiddle in the first place?